Feminism

A few choice words that don’t lack

by
a few choice words

The following article contains a group of words containing a coherent thought on matters pertaining to Nigerian behaviour. I remember that night like it was last night. Truthfully, it was. Pitch black in all its glory. Not a sound could be heard for hours, and I was in a dreamless state, unwilling to rejoin the waking world and its responsibilities. Out of nowhere, it jolted me. I didn’t know the time, it could’ve been 2am, 3am or midnight. I’m a directionless being even wide awake.  The sound began as a piercing scream. I recognized its origin instantly, it stemmed from the house right next to ours. Normally, these kinds of sounds aren’t odd or new, it has dawned on us neighbours that the mother in the house’s mode of discipline is the strong use of hand or whip. And although I am uncomfortable with it generally, I pass it off as just another morning with the wailings of Uju. But this time was different. It pierced, it stirred, it troubled me. It was a male voice, and I heard nothing from the doer of this action, but the recipient was loud and terrifying. It began with shouts and yells, obviously a reaction from the faint whip sounds. Actually, I didn’t know what was causing the shouts. It was dark and silent and I couldn’t make out the source of the wails, maybe that’s what troubled me the most. That the sound seemed origin-less. Nonetheless, the shouts pierced through me. I felt my empathy rise as the sounds got louder. I had never been a fan of the African mode of discipline, especially when it happens in the middle of the night. It made a plausible argument for insanity and absurdity, but I assure you, no one is ready for that conversation. Back to the sounds of hades’ victim, the shouts accelerated and travelled. I recall a small passageway which served as a porch for the house. It occurred to me that the wailer was being chased down, and eventually cornered. His shouts turned to screams, which was when I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, my brother wake up and turn his head toward the sound. Soon after he went back to sleep. He was only 14 and could sleep through a blizzard maybe. I realized that it bothered me how there was a single stirring from anyone. Noise polluting the silent night and my fellow Nigerians didn’t move an inch. The culture of abuse disguised as discipline ran deep and has been so a long time.  After 5 minutes or so, the sound died down. I tried to picture the poor soul. He was curled up at the edge of the passageway, tending to the pain and his wounds. Soft pants were all I heard afterwards, but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Not yet. I was annoyed. Annoyed that a human being was beaten up like a thief and no one inquired. Because it didn’t affect them, or he deserved it. The cycle of abuse was endless. I hated myself for not being able to do anything either. Now I’m typing this at 7am in the morning. There’s gospel music playing out of the scene of the crime. I hear the mother, most likely the culprit, singing along, her conscience probably clean and proud of herself.  I’ve heard no child sounds yet, which is unusual, but I wouldn’t blame them for being silent after the events of the night before. The culture of instilling fear into children at young ages and swearing they turn out well. Spoiler alert – they never do. This takes me back to a few days ago. My phone screen brightly lit against my face, navigating between my texts and twitter, sorry – X. the discourse of the day on +234 twitter centered around a celebrity wedding. The maid of honour, specifically. He was male, and incels and misogynists alike expressed their disdain for the concepts. No worry though, they were drowned out by the hardcore scum male population that threw a hissy fit over the sight of the man of honour in tears as his best friend got married. They swore that he was mourning the sex that they probably never had, and they contradicted themselves by calling his crying ‘feminine’.  Between tweets about WWE and AEW alike on my feed, the discourse trickled down into their problem with effeminate men and gay men alike. They accused the man of honour of being gay and swore they’d prefer their likely nonexistent children to mechanics and agberos, rather than the probability of them kissing someone of the same gender. They boasted of the violence they’d commit to ensure their boys remain ‘masculine’. One user mentioned being interested in breaking bottles on his son’s head when he got to 10 years to build his tear threshold, and got over 13 thousand likes. Another, a patriarchy princess, boasted of the methods her husband used to revert her effeminate son, praising the random squats and excessive gym memberships and kitchen bans her husband undertook. Saviors of mankind, or feminists, expressed their concern for the son and mentioned that the methods would only make their son a good liar, rather than a changed person. Warning her to enjoy his time with her son now, they were sure that eventually, they’d live out their days in a home for the elderly and never see their son again. As I spectate in the social media debacle, and the events of the night before, one thing is certain to me. There is an unhealthy obsession with conservative culture within Nigerians and Africans alike, a culture that irks me from within, as they cosplay as servants of God, while in reality they couldn’t be further from what the teachings of their Lord and savior spread. The religious psychosis, coupled with their ability to pick and choose what kind of religious teachings they want to align themselves with, would make … Read more

Feminism and Balance- Should We All Be Feminists?

by
feminism

Absenteeism and Recognition- Due to the rising calls for gender equality, many Feminists have been challenged to adopt traditionally masculine roles- to prove their worth. To justify their claims. Meanwhile, 48% of men (and counting) are adjusting, softening, reshaping their ideologies to accommodate a new era where women stand beside them, not behind them. Is this how we redefined Feminism? Feminism is not just a doctrine demanding equal rights for women; it is, at its core, a plea -a cry to be seen, heard and acknowledged. It is a fight for visibility, for women to occupy spaces that were once locked behind invisible gates. It’s a movement for parity, yes- but it is also a battle to untangle the complexity of womanhood from the world’s insistence on simplicity. Feminism is not about becoming men- it’s about being allowed to exist fully. As Gloria said in the 2023 Barbie movie, women are expected to walk on the tight rope of contradictions: “You have to be thin, but not too thin. You can’t say you want to be thin; you have to say you want to be healthy- but you also have to be thin. You have to lead but not be too bossy. You have to be smart but not intimidating.” Gloria, (America Ferrera) breaks down how women are constantly forced to balance extremes- to be strong, but not threatening, nurturing, but not weak, independent, but not too distant, pretty but not vain. The world keeps moving in chaos, and yet, contradictions live in the heart of this fight. Feminism is also an unbridged war of women fighting for opportunities on par with men, and the right to be seen beyond stereotypes and perfection. It is a desperate plea for society to stop asking us to dilute our existence just to fit into the systems not built for us. At the same time, as women elevate, men are being forced to shrink themselves to meet halfway. Standards are shifting, sometimes not for better- but for balance. Men are now adjusting their convictions, their responsibilities, their identities- to accommodate the rise of equality. That is not weakness, it is the reality of a changing world. But if we are demanding elevation for women, we must also acknowledge what men are letting go of in return. If a woman dresses like a man, it is called, “Fashion Forward” but, when a man adopts feminine traits, he is often mocked or even ostracized. Why is the shift one-sided? A woman in a suit is praised, but a man in a dress is ridiculed. The irony. Even Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in We Should All Be Feminists, was also a victim of adjusting to the standards of men just to be heard, while downplaying what really matters to us. She once wore an ‘ugly manly suit’ for a lecture, because in her words, “I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously.” Is this what equality really costs? We want women to rise to the same heights as men, but are men allowed to stoop into traditionally feminine spaces without losing their societal worth? They say a man’s duty is to protect, provide and offer safety. But how does he uphold those duties when women, in pursuit of equality are told to dull the very attributes that define him? Are we rewriting masculinity in our quest for balance? When women lead, they are called aggressive. When men show emotion, they are called weak. Equality should free both, not trap either. The Gender Equality we are fighting for should accommodate the needs and desires of both men and women when given leadership roles, not just a one-sided quest for power, where men are offered the leadership roles on a gold platter simply because they are males. The Emotional Labor plus the invisible work carried on the back of a woman is often undervalued and overlooked by some ignorant men and husbands in the society. Women have fought for equality with men in their jobs and the home management. If women are fighting for elevation in the name of equality, then men are inevitably forced to descend- not out of weakness, but to the level of playing field. Equality in this sense, becomes a negotiation where men dilute deeply ingrained roles and responsibilities to accommodate a societal shift that redefines gender dynamics. Some men have also used this as an excuse to dodge their core responsibilities. Should women complain, when they fight tooth and nail for their additional responsibilities? Men who were raised to provide, protect and lead are now being told to step back- to share, to be soft, to not assert. In adapting, many have had to unlearn pride, suppress dominance, and embrace vulnerability- not because it is natural to them, but because society demands it. Thus, the irrational creation of the 50:50 bill sharing, the demand for women to take financial responsibility, assume leadership positions, and ideally become the man, even in situations that screams her desire to be a woman. Let’s be clear, Equality is not a reason to become lazy. It is not an excuse for emotional absenteeism, nor is it a hall pass for ditching the weight of protection, provision and presence. If women are stepping into the battlefield of boardrooms, politics and home leadership, men cannot retreat into the background and call it “balance”. That’s not an evolution- that is ESCAPE. True Feminism doesn’t strip men of their strength- it asks them to redefine it. It doesn’t ask women to “man up” it asks society to “Woman up” too. In the end, Equality isn’t a race, but a fight for recognition without reduction- for both sides. And if we truly believe in the vision of a fair world, the men must rise just as women rise- not by doing less, but by doing more. So, the question is no longer Should We All Be Feminists? It’s can we afford to be Feminists? If we … Read more