Ibukun

Absenteeism and Recognition- Due to the rising calls for gender equality, many Feminists have been challenged to adopt traditionally masculine roles- to prove their worth. To justify their claims. Meanwhile, 48% of men (and counting) are adjusting, softening, reshaping their ideologies to accommodate a new era where women stand beside them, not behind them. Is this how we redefined Feminism? Feminism is not just a doctrine demanding equal rights for women; it is, at its core, a plea -a cry to be seen, heard and acknowledged. It is a fight for visibility, for women to occupy spaces that were once locked behind invisible gates. It’s a movement for parity, yes- but it is also a battle to untangle the complexity of womanhood from the world’s insistence on simplicity. Feminism is not about becoming men- it’s about being allowed to exist fully. As Gloria said in the 2023 Barbie movie, women are expected to walk on the tight rope of contradictions: “You have to be thin, but not too thin. You can’t say you want to be thin; you have to say you want to be healthy- but you also have to be thin. You have to lead but not be too bossy. You have to be smart but not intimidating.” Gloria, (America Ferrera) breaks down how women are constantly forced to balance extremes- to be strong, but not threatening, nurturing, but not weak, independent, but not too distant, pretty but not vain. The world keeps moving in chaos, and yet, contradictions live in the heart of this fight. Feminism is also an unbridged war of women fighting for opportunities on par with men, and the right to be seen beyond stereotypes and perfection. It is a desperate plea for society to stop asking us to dilute our existence just to fit into the systems not built for us. At the same time, as women elevate, men are being forced to shrink themselves to meet halfway. Standards are shifting, sometimes not for better- but for balance. Men are now adjusting their convictions, their responsibilities, their identities- to accommodate the rise of equality. That is not weakness, it is the reality of a changing world. But if we are demanding elevation for women, we must also acknowledge what men are letting go of in return. If a woman dresses like a man, it is called, “Fashion Forward” but, when a man adopts feminine traits, he is often mocked or even ostracized. Why is the shift one-sided? A woman in a suit is praised, but a man in a dress is ridiculed. The irony. Even Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in We Should All Be Feminists, was also a victim of adjusting to the standards of men just to be heard, while downplaying what really matters to us. She once wore an ‘ugly manly suit’ for a lecture, because in her words, “I was worried that if I looked too feminine, I would not be taken seriously.” Is this what equality really costs? We want women to rise to the same heights as men, but are men allowed to stoop into traditionally feminine spaces without losing their societal worth? They say a man’s duty is to protect, provide and offer safety. But how does he uphold those duties when women, in pursuit of equality are told to dull the very attributes that define him? Are we rewriting masculinity in our quest for balance? When women lead, they are called aggressive. When men show emotion, they are called weak. Equality should free both, not trap either. The Gender Equality we are fighting for should accommodate the needs and desires of both men and women when given leadership roles, not just a one-sided quest for power, where men are offered the leadership roles on a gold platter simply because they are males. The Emotional Labor plus the invisible work carried on the back of a woman is often undervalued and overlooked by some ignorant men and husbands in the society. Women have fought for equality with men in their jobs and the home management. If women are fighting for elevation in the name of equality, then men are inevitably forced to descend- not out of weakness, but to the level of playing field. Equality in this sense, becomes a negotiation where men dilute deeply ingrained roles and responsibilities to accommodate a societal shift that redefines gender dynamics. Some men have also used this as an excuse to dodge their core responsibilities. Should women complain, when they fight tooth and nail for their additional responsibilities? Men who were raised to provide, protect and lead are now being told to step back- to share, to be soft, to not assert. In adapting, many have had to unlearn pride, suppress dominance, and embrace vulnerability- not because it is natural to them, but because society demands it. Thus, the irrational creation of the 50:50 bill sharing, the demand for women to take financial responsibility, assume leadership positions, and ideally become the man, even in situations that screams her desire to be a woman. Let’s be clear, Equality is not a reason to become lazy. It is not an excuse for emotional absenteeism, nor is it a hall pass for ditching the weight of protection, provision and presence. If women are stepping into the battlefield of boardrooms, politics and home leadership, men cannot retreat into the background and call it “balance”. That’s not an evolution- that is ESCAPE. True Feminism doesn’t strip men of their strength- it asks them to redefine it. It doesn’t ask women to “man up” it asks society to “Woman up” too. In the end, Equality isn’t a race, but a fight for recognition without reduction- for both sides. And if we truly believe in the vision of a fair world, the men must rise just as women rise- not by doing less, but by doing more. So, the question is no longer Should We All Be Feminists? It’s can we afford to be Feminists? If we … Read more