Friendship

Marriage: 7 things to consider for a successful marriage

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Marriage.things to do

Marriage isn’t just about wearing a ring or having a beautiful wedding. It’s about choosing someone to walk through life with—someone to share your highest highs and toughest lows. It’s a huge decision, and while love is important, it’s not the only thing you need to make it work. Before you say “I do,” it’s worth sitting down and thinking things through. Here are seven real and important things to consider before taking that step. 1. Do We Truly Match—In Ways That Matter? You don’t need to be exactly the same to be a great match. In fact, your differences can make the relationship even richer. But when it comes to the big stuff—values, beliefs, and life goals—it’s crucial to be on the same page. Ask yourself: Do we both want kids? Are we on the same wavelength about money, religion, or how we want to live? For example, if one of you dreams of a quiet life in the countryside and the other wants the hustle of city life forever, that’s something worth discussing early. Shared values make decision-making easier and reduce conflict later on. 2. Can We Really Talk to Each Other? Good communication is the heartbeat of a healthy marriage. It’s not just about talking, but being honest, vulnerable, and respectful even when you’re upset. Do you feel heard when you express your feelings? Does your partner open up, too? If little misunderstandings often turn into big fights, or if either of you struggles to speak openly about feelings, that’s something to work on before tying the knot. Marriage is full of discussions—about finances, family, plans, and emotions—and being able to navigate those conversations kindly is key. 3. How Do We Handle Money? Let’s be honest, money can get messy. Some people are savers, others are spenders. Some are totally fine with debt, while others feel stressed just hearing the word. Before you get married, talk openly about your financial habits, incomes, savings, debts, and future plans. Are you comfortable combining accounts, or do you prefer to keep things separate? Who handles the budgeting? Will you set financial goals together? These conversations might not be romantic, but they are absolutely necessary for peace of mind. 4. Are We Both Emotionally Ready? Marriage isn’t always easy, and it takes emotional maturity to handle its ups and downs. That means being able to admit when you’re wrong, to apologize, to forgive, and to grow. Take a moment to reflect: When things go wrong, do we blame each other or work together? Can we disagree without being disrespectful? If either of you struggles with emotional regulation or carries unresolved baggage from the past, it might be time for some self-work before stepping into marriage. 5. How Do Our Families Fit Into the Picture? Let’s face it: when you marry someone, you’re also joining parts of their family—and they’re joining yours. So it helps to understand where your partner is coming from. What were they taught about relationships? Are there traditions or expectations that matter to them? Also, don’t shy away from talking about your own future family. How many kids do you want? What’s your ideal parenting style? Will both of you work, or will one stay home? These aren’t just “someday” topics—they can affect your relationship in big ways. 6. How Do We Handle Fights? In marriage, no couple is perfect. Disagreements will happen. What matters is how you deal with them. Do you listen to each other, or just wait for your turn to talk? Do fights become personal, or do you work toward a solution? Think about how you and your partner typically resolve issues. If one of you tends to shut down or if conflicts linger unresolved for days, that could build resentment over time. The way you handle disagreements before marriage often predicts how you’ll handle bigger ones later. 7. Are We Headed in the Same Direction? Love is about more than today—it’s also about where you’re going. Sit down and ask: What does the future look like for us? Do we want to travel the world or settle down early? Start a business together or pursue separate careers? Your dreams don’t have to be identical, but they should be compatible. A couple that dreams together, plans together, and builds together has a much stronger chance of lasting happiness. Marriage is one of the most beautiful commitments you can make, but it’s not something to rush into. Take the time to talk, reflect, and really get to know not just your partner, but yourself. These seven areas—compatibility, communication, money, emotional maturity, family dynamics, conflict resolution, and long-term goals—can make all the difference between a marriage that simply survives and one that truly thrives. You don’t have to have all the answers now. But being open, honest, and intentional sets the foundation for a relationship built on mutual respect, growth, and lasting love.

Friendship Lost and Lessons Learned Too Late

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Friendship Lost and Lessons Learned Too Late

Clutching my bouquet of roses with trembling fingers, I stood at the edge of Ozoemena’s grave, hemmed in by a sea of mourners. Familiar faces of coursemates blurred with strangers, all united in grief for a man whose friendship I had carelessly overlooked. The weight of the flowers in my hands felt like a mockery of the connection I had failed to nurture in life, now painfully clear in death’s unforgiving light. Ozoemena. A guy I disliked because of hair. He had too much hair. Boy would cut his hair and have it growing the next minute; on his head, face, hands and legs. I saw it as an insult to my non-growing hair, how could a guy be so graced? Something a woman should have and right there my dislike for him found a base so I nicknamed him in Igbo Ozo ntutu — chief of hair, removing the last part of his name. But here I am now with flowers, one I didn’t give when he was alive but one I could afford to give at his death. I thought about the many times he had been nice, the many times he had gone out of his way to help people and the many times he had smiled. “You better be nice to me,” he would always say to me, “now that you can still see me.” He wanted to leave for Canada after our degree exams so he would run his master’s program and whenever he said that to me, I would frown and reply, “They won’t give you a visa!” I also wish I never told him in Year 1 that he was a lab experiment, “I bet you were created in a Petri dish!” I said out of anger when he pulled my cap in public revealing my short scattered hair. It was supposed to be a playful stunt but it got me annoyed. I should not have said those words to him. I should have been a little kind towards him. I should not have left him behind, sleeping that night we all went to read in school. I should have woken him up as I left at dawn but I did not and he told me it was the students who came later by 9 am for their lecture that woke him up. He was so embarrassed. I had simply replied, “What kind of sleep is that?” Without any form of pity. Ozoemena was a good man, a great class representative to us, and he ensured that we were happy. He saved us countless times from the hands of our lecturers and would sometimes take the blame. We became quite close in our final year, I don’t know but we seemed to sit together more often, were in the same group for assignments and ultimately had the same project supervisor. There he started his joke, “Mary, the mother of Jesus, pray for me so I won’t fail my degree exams.” “This Mary lives in Nigeria and she’s Igbo and not Jewish,” I would reply. “It’s the same thing, just pray!” He would tell me. On the last day of the exams, he was not present in my hall and I assumed he was in the second hall. Others in the second half assumed he was in our hall until we finished the paper and discovered he did not come to school at all. The HOD called us together and after giving a one-week ultimatum to submit four copies of our finished project, he told us about Ozoemena and that he was dying at the hospital. Dying? What? I could have sworn he was okay, I mean, he comes to class every day, makes me laugh and buys me food on several occasions, how could he be battling with his liver all this while? His last days were spent in the hospital. Dying yet laughing and trying to make a joke out of everything. “How much does this wheelchair cost? I’d take it home and sell it, they gave it to me but we have to pay for it, you know,” He told one day. I blamed the numerous drugs they were giving him, it seemed to weaken him and make him say all manner of things like a little child. I wanted to tell him to rest and stop talking but he preferred I listened to him and so he went on and on. “Promise me, you won’t die,” I asked him on his last night in the hospital. He smirked and closed his eyes. I trusted that smile and I trusted even the way he closed his eyes. That was a sign. A yes that he would survive. I had left reasoning behind and became a seeker of signs. “What will you do for me if I do not die?” He asked. “I’ll join you to sell this wheelchair to the highest bidder.” He laughed now, a weak laugh. We stood up to sing yet another hymn in church and that was when I noticed I had been crying. It didn’t feel like it though, it felt like I wasn’t there and I was caught in between the two emotions, weeping and being dry-eyed. Ozoemena died in the early hours of the next day. I was at the business centre binding my project work when I received the text from the assistant class rep – “He has gone to be with the Lord.” Rage and hate suddenly filled my spirit for everyone: for the girl at the business centre for not having my complete change, making me stand to wait for her to go and look for it; for the bike man who drove me to the teaching hospital and for driving so slowly, for even the nurse I met on duty with her pink lipstick. I also hated the colour pink at that moment. I hated the fact that I was wailing loudly when I saw his parents and that … Read more