Dear Diary,
Today marks the 15th year of suffering with a man I thought I loved. I’ve seen you haven’t gotten wary of my complaints. That’s the reason I take solace in you. I have no happy memories to record now, and I don’t think I would ever have to record one in you. I have made you become a compendium of my tales of marital woes. I thought my husband would be loving like he was when we courted, but it turned out to be a deception.
I have wondered why I couldn’t detect these obscene characters when we were in courtship, but it turned out that I had the blindfold of love on my eyes, and couldn’t see well.
Would I say I didn’t notice? I did, but I thought my love for him would make him change. Well, who became a liar in the long run? Me.
If not for the resounding words of Pastor Sam ” …till death do you part”, and for my piousness, Kunle would be wifeless by now. Ah, Kunle..what have you done to me? If not for the two children God has blessed me with, and for the new life in me, what would I be grateful for after 15 years of horrible marriage?
Anyways, Diary, as usual, I have ranted, and my secrets remain with you. Be good till I come your way again with more woes. Hopefully, they’re not as many as I have imagined”. Adaku dropped her pen. It was obvious that the diary had absorbed a copious amount of her tears. It was wet with both serous and mucous secretions from her lacrimal and salivary glands. She closed the diary. It had a pink-coloured cover with a bold inscription of “To you, my only love”. Those inscriptions sent her travelling down memory lane. Who knows maybe she could find the person that wrote that, because this person lying beside her, and snoring like a knocked engine with reckless abandon doesn’t look like the person that inscribed those words.
It was on the 15th of June (what a coincidence, she thought) when Kunle came to her apartment to pay her a surprise visit. He came along with some friends, according to the standards of the church.Pastor Timothy always ensured he emphasized group visitation during relationship seminars. He said he wouldn’t tolerate stories of “it was a mistake” any longer because his ears were filled. “I don’t want to know whether you are a strong brother, who is mighty in the scriptures and a firebrand, anytime you’re going to visit a Sister, you must go with your fellow brothers. Same applies to the ladies too.” She remembered his words vividly. He wore a red suit that day. It was a valentine service, and he stated he had come for war. It was obvious as he spoke with all the seriousness he could muster.
There was graveyard silence in the church that day during his sermon, which was unlike his previous sermons. “Many of you have blindfolded yourself deliberately because of the so-called love you proclaimed to have.
Do you even know what love is? ” That time, he had walked away from the pulpit. He walked on the narrow aisle that separated the two rows in the church and looked everyone in the eyes as he preached. The guilty ones evaded his gaze stylishly, the innocent ones( which happened to be a mixed multitude)held his gaze and even jotted every single word he said diligently.
She didn’t forget the spot where she sat that day. It was close to the aisle, and the pastor looked at her like she was the only guilty person in the congregation. It took all the courage in her to maintain a calm disposition. Why would he look at her that way? Probably God was trying to pass a message of danger to her, but she waved it off. Her Spirit also troubled her within. However, she counted everything to be a coincidence. She was pretty after all, and that could be a reason for the gaze. How foolish she was to have thought that. Her eyes were blindfolded to see that Pastor Timothy’s face was very stern. It had all the wrinkled lines his frown could produce. He was damn serious with every word he spoke. Who would look at a pretty lady that way?
Only if she knew the danger that lurked ahead in her ” smooth ride” affair with Kunle, she would have backed out. But, despite the warning the pastor passed to everyone (especially her, because why would he look at her the way he did?)She was blindfolded ( the pastor was right). Kunle was just the perfect guy she had dreamt of, and nothing, not even the pastor’s gaze nor the message of warning could dissuade her. She loved Kunle, and he loved her too (perhaps). After that soul-captivating sermon preached by Pastor Timothy, there was a change. Every brother, both strong and weak, would go in a group of 3 or 4 to visit any sister. Some very strong brothers would make their group number to be 5 or more. Unfortunately for her, Kunle was in this league.
When he came with his friends, one would think they were going for a men’s hangout, if only they knew it was a Sister that they were going to visit. No one wants to commit any “mistake” and earn the terror and discipline of Pastor Timothy. It was that serious then. The last one that happened, Pastor Timothy made sure he called out the defaulters and solicited the church to pray for God to have mercy on them.
The duo involved were so embarrassed that they left the church afterwards, and no one could tell their whereabouts. It was a few weeks later the pastor announced that the lady involved had been impregnated, but the guy had vanished into thin air. “Whatever I do and preach here is for your good, if you like, leave the church, your story won’t be any better than theirs…” Pastor Timothy said after he announced their misfortune during the sermon. He loved to make use of relatable examples, and everyone understood his message, especially those who planned to leave the church.
The safest route was to obey the rules, which Kunle did. She considered his obedience to be an advanced version because why would he come to see her with 7 other brothers? Anyway, all that did not matter anymore after she saw him.
There was this unexplainable feeling that overwhelmed her anytime she saw him. It made her forget her woes and worries. Happiness flowed from the deepest part of her heart. She was so in love( but where had it gotten her to now?). However, she comported herself in the presence of his escorts. Kunle greeted her and asked about her welfare. His actions were so formal that she had no choice but to follow suit. They had to follow the rules. Every other thing was done formally, even when he gave her the gift. It wasn’t until she opened it later that day that she found the book she had desired to have for a long time now– A diary. She had mentioned her desires to him in a chat ( Yes, they chatted like it was no man’s business. Neither Pastor Timothy nor his escorts could intrude on their precious online space) and he promised to make it a surprise to her. It was a surprise. His 7 escorts surprised her more.
The diary was medium-sized and had a pink-coloured front cover. Its fore-edges have a dexterous zig-zag design. The front cover, made of a good leather material was interspersed with little symbols of love signs in golden colour. She hadn’t seen anything like it before. The lock was just so perfect. It had a little key also. When she opened it, the pages were very smooth and shiny. It was as if it beckoned her to write on it. On the next page she opened, she saw his inscription “Keep the memories of our love here, from now till forever”. That word, coupled with the ” To you my only Love” written on the front cover, made her heart skip a beat. How she loved this man! ( If only she knew the trap she was falling into). It’s been 15 years and 9 months now. That Love had faded.
The clock struck 5 a.m. when she looked up at the clock above their bed. Her look descended to see the source of her woes for 15 years in a sound sleep. She remembered how she would sleep soundly during her spinsterhood and dream of how happily married she would be to Kunle. Guess who is married now but has a hard time sleeping? How was he able to veil his irritating characters? Why could she not see them? Look at what love had caused her, or what she had caused herself. Her eyes were about to produce another round of tears when Kunle awoke. She was shocked when their eyes met. Her heartbeat skipped twice for fear. She had grown to fear this man over the years.
“ADAKU, why are you staring at me like that? Shouldn’t you be sleeping by now? However, thank Goodness you’re awake, I’ve got some rumpled shirts in that wardrobe, I need you to iron the purple one, I will be wearing it to church this evening. When you’re done, come over here and attend to your wifely duties”
He ended his words with a lustful look which she hated to see. What’s the point of it when there is no love? She was happy to get off the bed. She knew within her that she wasn’t going back to attend to the so-called wife duty. Kunle drifted off to sleep and awaited his wife’s return. Their wardrobe, which was the biggest piece of furniture in their bedroom, was opposite their bed. It had 3 chambers. Two of which are Kunle’s. He left the smallest which was barely enough for her to arrange the little clothes she had( Kunle rarely buys clothes for her). “What a selfish man!” She cursed under her breath as she opened the wardrobe and found the shirt. She paused for a while to look at the clothes she had arranged yesterday all in disarray. Kunle is such a disorganized man. He never cared about anything but himself. He treats her like a house help. These thoughts flooded her mind as she began another round of rearranging. She had not forgotten the severe beating Kunle gave her because she refused to arrange his wardrobe.
When she finished, she began to iron his shirt.
It was 5: 45 a.m., and she must be fast about it before the electricity supply gets interrupted. Their area’s electricity supply was epileptic, she wondered why she didn’t iron the shirt before rearranging it. Her thoughts were in disarray, so she couldn’t think straight.
Unfortunately for her, her fear became real. Everywhere was pitch black. NEPA had done it again. “Chei. Chim o” she muttered in fear. She was scared of the thought of her husband waking up to find his shirt as rumpled as he left it. Kunle is a man of zero patience, how would she escape this while? She dropped the cloth on the ironing board and sat close to the only window in the room. She watched the morning dawn slowly and wondered how slowly her choices had aggregated to bring her into a predicament like this. Who knows, her fate wouldn’t have looked like this if her mum were alive. Everything looked good until her Mum’s demise. Has her background finally brought her back to the ground? It wasn’t a good afternoon for Adaku. The sun scorched mercilessly on Earth’s inhabitants. Several agama lizards came out from their hiding places to flaunt their orange heads and have a wonderful sunbathe. To them, it was a good afternoon. It’s surprising to see this breed of animals coming out when other creatures scrambled to safety from the Sun’s tyranny. In the Afonwa’s shade, two big rats cavorted as they played hide and seek in the walls, and two mother hens cackled noisily as they scattered the pile of dirty plates of the household, in search of their daily bread. They were a bit disappointed because every plate was neatly scraped by each user. Not even a grain of rice nor remnants of “fufu” was found. The soup plates were almost clean. The user had licked every bit out of it. The Afonwas couldn’t afford to waste a speck of soup not to talk of a grain of rice. Ejeme, the last child of the family would always pick any grain that fell off his spoon whenever he ate, it didn’t matter whether the bare floor was clean or not. The older ones were meticulous enough to ensure Mother Earth did not get a portion, even if it was a grain of rice.
Amid the cacophony caused by the mother hen and her chicks, the visitors and sympathizers were oblivious to it, including Adaku and her brothers. Adaku was lost in thought as she sat on the only bench on the verandah of the house. She supported her head with one of her hands, with her elbow placed on a mud railing, while she held a pen with the other. A tattered book was opened on her lap. She had scribbled some contents in it. The opened pages were designed with circular marks on every trickled teardrop made. Adaku loves journaling. She almost converted all her class notes to a diary, where she scribbled both reasonable and unreasonable contents. Every moment she gets to write gives her joy, but this time, she could hardly get the right words to tell the pages of her scruffy diary. This time, her tear drops were more than the pen’s ink on her diary.
How can she handle the heartbreak from her Mother’s death? What turn will her life take? What will be her fate? Her only hope for a promising future had been shattered. Her mum had been the succour she grew up in to have. Her Dad was the indifferent type. He only proved his manliness by reproducing his kind, but to take care of them, he wasn’t man enough. Her mother has been the pillar of the home.
She catered for her 3 children through thick and thin and was determined to have them educated. Because of her determination, she juggled 3 jobs together with her farming business. She worked harder than the Proverbs 31 woman and still had the time to attend to her children’s emotional needs. Adaku attracted her Mother’s special attention because she was her only daughter, a pretty one at that. She made sure her daughter was trained to cope with the vicissitudes of life.
Dear Diary was written by Phoebe.
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