As a counselling psychologist, I’ve learned to read between the lines, to hear the unspoken in a trembling voice or a hesitant pause. Yet, the complexity of faith-based denial especially from those who claim they are born again never ceases to amaze me.
I’ve witnessed countless struggles but nothing could have prepared me for the case that was about to walk through my door—I was expecting the young woman who put a call across a few days back confirming her appointment and asking if her doctor transferred her case to me or if it was her nurse. It was a bit confusing. Why bother about who sent in her file? I confirmed it was her doctor and she heaved a sigh of relief over the phone.
“I’ll be there first thing on Monday morning, that nurse is such a gossip. Thank God she knows nothing of this,” she said, a bit frantic, sounding almost like she couldn’t wait to see me already and for me to perform my miracle on her.
I was no miracle worker, just a counselling psychologist who started practising about two years ago and who managed to pull much weight in the field. My booking rates increased just as my clients did to the extent that I started rejecting some calls and told my assistant not to take some bookings.
This woman should have been among those I would normally reject but the referral came from the state hospital and I couldn’t say no to Dr. Gbenga. He was my schoolmate from the University.
I found myself thinking so much about her, turning her story in my head countless times and even trying to place her voice over the phone and the story on her file. Her name is Iniobong, 32 years old, married with a 2-year-old son. Her life and marriage were perfect until she discovered her husband carried out a vasectomy on himself without telling her, just after their son turned two. Their only child. And they agreed to have three children.
Monday came; she didn’t even wait for me to let her in before opening my office door a little, shoving her head in and asking if she was disturbing.
“Oh no, come in please, you must be Iniobong?”
“Yes,” She said, smiling.
She made herself comfortable on the chair in front of me and faced me.
We exchanged pleasantries, she commented that she was glad I was a woman and that she could relate with me better, a man may not know how she feels.
Then she told her story.
She got married to her husband and they were so in love. They agreed to do everything together and never kept secrets from one another until she discovered the hospital test papers that he signed agreeing to carry out a vasectomy operation.
“Why would he do that? Why? We just had our first child and he decided to cut his sperm tube off? Why?” Iniobong was getting apprehensive as she talked.
I wanted to tell her to calm down but it was not the time, she needed to let off the steam so I kept quiet while I took down my notes.
“He loves me, at least he said he does and I believe him. This is a Christian and a church worker. Why should he choose to do that without informing me? I have rights over his body as the Bible commands, he has no right to do that!” She continued.
“I thought one has to agree and sign with their partner in the hospital before such operations are done?” I asked.
“That’s it, he took another lady that posed as his wife and they teamed up to stop me from having more children.”
Iniobong broke down in tears. I watched as she desperately tried to clean off her tears and pull herself together. I wasn’t going to stop her from crying, whatever emotion she had in there needed to be unlocked.
“Can I speak with your husband?” I asked her after a few seconds.
The next time she visited, she came with Darey, her husband and Nifemi, their son. I only needed her husband but it was fine anyway. Then he told me his side of the story.
He loved his wife, she was everything good he had prayed for and he showered her with all his care and attention. His world shattered when they had their son. Iniobong changed, she spent more time with Nifemi, fussing over him so much. She expelled him from their bedroom and Nifemi took over his space on their bed. Her life practically evolved around their son so much that she neglected him and made him look so non-existent.
If one baby could do this, he decided not to have any more. He wanted his wife back so he agreed to take the operation, it wouldn’t stop him from making love to her, she just wouldn’t get pregnant again.
Iniobong cried as he talked while Nifemi, oblivious of whatever his parents were going through, took to the magazines on the low stool, flipping through the pages as if he knew what was there.
I looked at Darey, handsome and smart looking and I looked at Iniobong, young and attractive. Attractive enough to make her husband carry out such a stupid decision.
I asked him other questions which he answered and I confirmed his intense fear of abandonment, rapid change in self-identity, loss of contact with reality which lasts for a few minutes sometimes, his ongoing feeling of emptiness, inappropriate feelings of anger and bitterness, mood swings and his impulsive behaviour to carrying out a vasectomy on himself because of his imagined rejection from his wife.
I called Dr. Gbenga after they left.
“I referred them back to you, please see to Iniobong’s husband. He is suffering from a borderline personality disorder.”
“Are you sure? The man is born again,” Dr. Gbenga said.
“Same thing he said to me when I told him what I confirmed, he said he can’t be suffering from any personality disorder, that he is born again!”
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